World peace

There is enough stress out there at the moment to sink a ship. Worldwide upheaval, unrest, crisis, personal loss, health concerns, end of year deadlines, gatherings and preparing for events all converging with changes in how we go about our days, changes in workplace dynamics, economic concerns… you name it, someone is experiencing pressure. We want to make a difference, but we don’t know how.

It reminds me of the movie ‘Miss Congeniality’ and the famed desire of the beauty contestants – world peace.

When we want to make a difference, it’s a challenge to figure out what to hold on to and what to let go. If we’re trying to control all the variables around us, we will run out of energy. We are not designed to be completely in control – no matter how appealing that seems.

When we allow our focus to remain on things that we can’t change, it prevents us from acting where we can. When too much is happening, we feel overwhelmed.

A number of years ago, we lived next to a river. I loved watching the water flow by; I noticed when the water level was high or low and enjoyed observing the constant change.

Later we moved to the sea. We are on an estuary. We have water less than half the time; the rest of the time we look at mud. The trouble is that when we moved, I attributed seeing water as good and not being able to see water as bad.

The tide comes and goes – as it does – but when I first moved here I grieved as the tide went out. In my head I knew that the water would return in a few hours, but watching it go out was a challenge. I know that sounds ridiculous; there are much more important things to grieve. I loved the view from our house and I reminded myself often how blessed we are to live in such a beautiful place. And still, daily it was a challenge for me to watch the water disappear.

Sometimes I still watch the water recede and feel the nostalgic grief, but nostalgia is not my friend. I choose not to dwell on something that I have no control over.

When I dwell on something that just ‘is’, especially when I label it as bad, I find myself paralysed to do anything constructive.

If I allow myself to sit in grief every time the tide goes out, I’ll spend over half my time downcast. I have to let the tide be the tide and be thankful that it will return.

By changing my focus, I’ve learnt to appreciate the contours of the bay and the spoonbill birds who come and dredge in the narrow stream that runs when all the other water is gone. I’ve learnt to appreciate the variation of our view.

I also find that when I get on with life, the tide eventually turns and the joy of seeing the water returns.

Life is like that. There are some things that you notice, and they have the capacity to bring you down. To others, those things might seem inconsequential. But they mean something to you and you have the choice whether to keep your focus there or choose to allow those things to be.

We must learn to discern between what we can and cannot control. We cannot control the personality and tendencies of a family member for example, but we can choose to stop letting their tendencies bring us down.

When we spend our energy trying to change another person, we are wasting our time. We can impose our structure on them but when we look away or ease off, they will slip back into their tendencies. Without a desire to change themselves, all our external pressures will only make an impact while we are policing them and that is exhausting (and not very conducive to a healthy two-way relationship).

What are some things that you know you’re going to face in these next few weeks that you can’t control? The commercialism of Christmas, how family behave, how busy work gets, someone unwell… the list goes on. Can you let those things be?

Where we can change things, that’s where we place our focus. There we can make a difference.

Is commercialism an issue for you? Within your own sphere, make some changes to the way that you approach the season. To get upset at the way others (who have different values to you) celebrate this time of year will drain your energy.

Are you expecting a visit by a challenging extended family member? Can you allow them to be themselves and, knowing what is likely to take happen, put some boundaries in place for you and your family? When you accept them as they are and not try to change them, you might find that your experience with them is different this year.

Is work flat out? Knowing that, make a plan for rest that works in your situation. You might have to get creative, but make sure that you have something to look forward to – that will help when things are hectic.

Is someone unwell? What changes can you make to create a special memory with them this year?

I often talk about lifting our heads and gaining a fuller view – that helps when we’re struggling to understand something – we need to increase our perspective to see the bigger picture.

But when things are getting too much, that is the time to rein in our expectations. We can’t change the mindset of the world, the tides or the seasons, but we can manage ourselves.

The paradox of Christmas is that the Christmas story offers peace and hope and joy and that story is nestled in a season of stress and expectation and disappointment.

Do you want to change the world? You can live counter-culturally in your own sphere, extending peace, hope and joy amongst people who don’t know another way. It’s not about controlling everything that happens but about being a living example.

Let’s discern between what we can do and what we are simply allowing to camp in our headspace and drain our energy; let go of the things we can’t control and make choices that influence our own space.

By creating a peaceful atmosphere amidst the chaos, you impact those who intersect with your space, inviting them to instigate change in their own lives. You can make a change, one focus at a time.