On being different.

A well formed garden often displays variety. The height, structure and form of the trees and shrubs compliment the lower growing flowers. If you’re replanting an exposed area, fast growing plants provide shelter for the slower growing plants while they establish. Each plant has different coloured and shaped leaves. You might plant fruit maturing at different times of the year so that you can snack on them year around. Variety is plentiful and practical on many levels.

When we do come across a whole field of one plant, it stands out and makes a statement. There is beauty in it, partly because it is so unusual and has obviously been carefully orchestrated that way.

With variety all around us, why do we struggle with variety between people. It is a good thing that we are different. We complement each other’s skills, stretch and grow each other and make the world an interesting place.

With different skills and passions, we are designed to cover the range of tasks that make life happen. If we were all passionate about rugby, we would miss out on all the other sports.  If we were all electricians, what would we do if the toilet blocked?

We each have very different strengths. Let’s allow each other to function in those areas and then negotiate the spaces where there are gaps that need filling.

If you’re upset because you notice something that’s consistently not getting done, perhaps it’s actually your thing. Others literally may not notice it. If you are going to do it, then you have a choice. You can do it with a good attitude and enjoy the fact that it gets done, or you can do it begrudgingly. Either way the job gets done, but you will definitely enjoy one way over the other. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out your preferred option.

Remember that we also stretch and grow each other when we’re different.

If you’re the one doing most of the work and you’re exhausted you might be feeling pretty down on another person. But check in with them – maybe they’re not doing it because you’re always a step ahead of them and they don’t get the chance. Maybe they feel like they don’t do it right so why bother? Maybe they’re physically unable to at the moment. Maybe the learning is less about them stepping up, but you stepping back?

I had a bit of a laugh on Monday. We had guests over and my husband was in the kitchen. He is an amazing cook. We had an unusual interaction. He asked me ‘in my own time’ to go and get some onions out of the neighbour’s garden (yes, we are allowed to cook from their garden). I finished what I was doing and then got chatting. After a while he asked me how the onions were going. I realised that he was almost up to that point in the recipe and so I went out to get the onions and as I returned I commented “I’m really glad that you allowed me to do that in my own time, or I would have been late with them!”

What could he have done? Gone out to pick the onions himself? He could. But it wasn’t that I didn’t want to help, I just got sidetracked. I was happy to pop out and grab them. He allowed me the space to get it done.

I feel like any A type personalities reading this might be squirming at my apparent laziness. Embrace the squirming. What would it look like in your situation to give space to someone wired differently to you?

I can grow to be more observant and more productive. Someone who is highly driven can grow to allow more space. Each of us learns from the other and becomes a bit more balanced in the process.

It is okay to be different. When we work alongside each other, we can actually accomplish more. Think of the thumb on your hand. Without that thumb with such a different range of motion to your fingers, you wouldn’t be able to pick anything up.

When you come across someone obviously different to you, look for how their differences might add to your relationship. What do they know that you haven’t experienced? How do they operate?

We each have very different perspectives.  That can make the world really interesting!

I was thinking about this near the end of last year as we were moving toward the Christmas season. If I was to plan messages on the Christmas story, I was thinking that I would tell the story through the eyes of different people.

From Mary and Joseph’s perspective, they were desperate for somewhere to stay. That was their focus. They were going to have a baby.

For the Magi from the east, they knew the stars and their journey was one of astronomy. Now, if you heard the story of the magi, you might struggle to reconcile it with Mary and Joseph’s, until finally, they come together and the link becomes obvious.

Then consider the shepherds in the fields, looking after their sheep as they did every night and suddenly the sky lit up and they saw angels singing – that’s pretty out there! They didn’t know about Mary and Joseph in the stable at that point, nor the men from hundreds of kilometres away who were on their way, navigating by planetary alignments.

For Simeon in the temple, he was an old man and was waiting on a promise from God. His perspective is a different one again. He didn’t know that any of this was going on until a week later when he suddenly knew that this child who had come to the temple was the one he had been waiting for.

Every person had a completely different experience of this event. None of them were wrong, they each added to the fullness of what was happening.

It is okay to have different perspectives. When we listen to each other, the world gets far more interesting.

How boring would the world be if we all matched. There would be no point in travelling, we would know it all and have nothing to explore. We might all be talkers with no one to listen. We might all be trying to run the show. Imagine the frustration!

It is a good thing that we are different. We complement each other’s skills, stretch and grow each other and make the world an interesting place.

Even within nature, plants that grow naturally will change from region to region depending on whether they have access to abundant water or desert, heat or frost, sandy soil or clay. Each plant has something to offer within their own environment.

Looking at people, what is the thing that they offer? Based on their environment and how they’ve grown, what is the unique offering that they bring? Is it deep unwavering roots, shelter, a refreshing fragrance, a burst of colour or sustenance? Even a cactus provides edible fruit in season.