“How are you today?”… “Busy.”

Today is complicated enough. We don’t need to be making it harder for ourselves than it already is. When we live in a state of perpetual stress it can seem as though there is no escape. We rationalise the way that we do things and try harder.

There is so much going on. Our personal lives are full, we have to manage the day to day expectations of life and if that wasn’t enough, there is the craziness multiplied that is going on around the world for our minds to pull apart and piece back together in a way that makes sense.

In a world that emphasises stress and being busy, how do we live in peace? I have three stories for you, three different ways that we can lose our peace and some thoughts about how we might be able to regain it.

When my children were young, I experienced burnout. Soon after that time, I observed two different friends wrestling with their situations. One was wrestling in the area of work and the other had a situation that was affecting her family. There came a moment that I could tell that they either needed to make a significant change immediately or they too may succumb to pushing themselves too far and having to live with the consequences. The trouble was that change of direction that they needed to make was the very thing that was causing their turmoil. I spoke to them about it.

The one who was wrestling about changing her job knew that her time in that environment needed to end. The stress was unsustainable. But, it was too much for her to contemplate leaving and all that went along with finding something new. She was going around and around in circles. She felt obliged to stay and so the turmoil continued to intensify.

I knew that the thought of staying was stressful, so I encouraged her to try the alternative. She made the decision to leave without actually actioning it. She allowed herself to sit with the decision and see whether she experienced a measure of peace. She sat with it for a couple of weeks and felt a significant difference. Then as a comparison, now that she knew what leaving her role felt like, I got her to sit with the decision of staying in her role to see how that affected her. Suddenly the turmoil came back and she could tell that she really needed to make the change.

This deep heart struggle when we know that a situation needs to change can create huge stress. Perhaps the idea of making a decision and sitting with it might help you, either now or in the future when you’re wrestling with something that no longer fits but you have all the reasons in the world why change isn’t possible.

Sometimes a season has come to an end and the peace lifts from it. A lack of peace can be one way to identify when it’s time for a change.

That change might not be leaving; it might be rearranging things to work better. If we left a situation every time it got uncomfortable we would never grow.

Another way that we can wrestle is when we’re feeling pressure to do something that we really don’t feel is for us. There was a time that someone was pressuring me to go to an event that I just didn’t feel to go to. I can’t remember why. I just remember the mental pummelling that I felt as the psychological battle raged.  This person was unreasonably trying to overwhelm my own choice in the matter.

Up until this point in my life, I would have gone along, resenting every moment. But something was up with this particular event. I just couldn’t bring myself to say that I would go. After struggling with it over and over in my mind, I finally said that no, I wouldn’t attend. Once I had given that ‘no’, all the turmoil lifted off me and I returned to my normal self. The difference was staggering.

Then I realised exactly what had been going on. I saw vividly the impact of manipulation. This person was railroading their choice onto me. To say no was a huge step on my part and from then on I began to recognise manipulation when it raised its ugly head.

In saying that, I also began to see when I tried to manipulate others and I started to change the way that I function. This was where the journey of allowing others to be themselves began for me.

Perhaps you are lacking peace because of external pressure to do something or be something that is just not you. If you feel resentment when someone asks you to do something, take a step back and see if they are actually trying to manipulate you into doing what they want.

If you really have to do that thing, you can choose to do it intentionally. Rather than feeling resentful or victimised that you have to do it, make the decision to do it. That small attitude change can make all the difference to the emotions that you experience in the process.

Or you could change your language. Instead of “I have to”, you can say “I get to” and that might be enough to change the lens that you see it through.

Maybe the person is not being manipulative. Maybe you’ve allowed a pattern to develop where you try to be all things for all people. Maybe your energy is running out. It might be incredibly freeing to say no. This is a case where setting some boundaries might be really helpful for you.

Another day, I remember wrestling with something as I drove. I knew the right thing to do in this situation and I had been making right choices, but my heart was all tangled up and the burden was getting too much. In desperation, I cried out in prayer, “God, please carry this for me, I can’t do it anymore!”

The miraculous thing that happened in that moment was that the burden instantly lifted. I immediately received peace.

One of the descriptions of Jesus is as the Prince of Peace. Perhaps for some of you, the way to experience peace is to come to the Prince of Peace and allow him to gift you peace that is so profound, it doesn’t even make sense in your situation.

So, those are three different ways that we can lose our peace. When our heart is wrestling with a change, our mind is wrestling with a decision or our spirit is carrying something that it is not designed to carry.

Today is complicated enough. We don’t need to be making it harder for ourselves than it already is. When we live in a state of perpetual stress it can seem as though there is no escape. We rationalise the way that we do things and sustain our efforts. But if you long for peace, perhaps one of these stories might give you some insight to find a measure of rest amidst your situation.