Finding Nemo

Last week we snorkelled on the Great Barrier Reef. I wasn’t sure what I was in for, but we found Nemo and lots of Nemo’s friends, including turtles that spoke with an Australian accent (well, Australian turtles anyway).

Between snorkelling spots two and three, a marine biologist spoke to us about the reef, the animals and the health of coral. Several years ago, there was publicity about ‘bleached coral’. She explained the science of it to us.

Coral is an animal; each individual is a polyp. They’re naturally pale. Algae live inside the tissue around the polyp’s digestive cavity. Those algae are what give coral its colour. Scientists describe the relationship between the algae and the coral as symbiotic. They need each other. Coral provides the algae somewhere to live; the algae provide coral with nutrition.

When the water gets too warm, algae become toxic and the coral expels the algae to remain healthy. Without the algae, the coral has no colour – giving it the name ‘bleached coral’.

The publicity about bleached coral insinuated that coral reefs were dying. The marine biologist clarified. The coral isn’t dying. It is performing a process designed to keep it healthy. Bleached coral is in a vulnerable state depending on what comes next.

If the water cools over a few days or weeks and the algae returns its optimal condition, all is well. If the water remains too warm and the algae remains toxic, the coral cannot take in nutrients, then it is threatened with starvation.

The marine biologist told us: bleached coral is not dying. Bleached coral is hungry. The longer it stays bleached, the more ravenous it becomes.

Something must fill the space that the algae vacated. Ideally it is something good.

When we change our ways, we start by expelling the toxic thing; the thing that’s making us unhealthy. We’re strict with ourselves and we’re sure that we’re doing the right thing getting rid of what doesn’t serve us well.

What we don’t realise is that by expelling the toxin, we create a space that will fill up again. It may be sooner, it may be later, but we will not remain empty.

Expelling our bad habit or unhelpful thought process is a great start, but it is not the full story. What’s really important here is what fills that space.

As I’m writing this, I’m in a train on the way to Brisbane. I don’t know if you played the game when you were young where if your vehicle went under a bridge or tunnel, you had to hold your breath until you came out the other side.

That is the sense that this idea carries. You can hold your breath for a short time, but the more time passes since you last inhaled, the more desperate you become. You can stretch it out and hold your breath for longer, but eventually, you have to gasp for air. By that stage, it doesn’t matter whether the air is polluted or clean, smelly or pleasant; you need air, so you inhale whatever is available.

Now you’re the coral. You’ve expelled the algae and you’re desperate for nutrition – eventually you will suck in the algae again. Hopefully the environment has changed, and those algae are healthy again. If not, you’ve just taken in something more toxic than before.

Those images in mind, when you stop a bad habit or chose not to think badly about another person, what do you replace it with? Do you use that moment of choice as a prompt to replace your previous pattern with something else? Do you continue the flow of breathing so desperation doesn’t strike?

We replace our habit with something else intentionally, or accidentally; out of a natural need to fill that space.

Years ago, I overheard a guy concerned for his family. He travelled a lot and he said he always prayed for their protection as he went, but although nothing terrible had happened, they weren’t doing particularly well. He was despairing with some friends.

After being included in the conversation and listening a long time, I asked, “rather than exclusively ask God for bad things to stay away, do you ever ask for good things for your family?”

His eyes snapped over to me and glazed as he swept through his memories to find that no, he didn’t ask for peace or comfort or anything like that, he just prayed that the bad stuff would stay away.

That is a similar concept. We can push things away or ask for space, but something will ultimately fill that space. What do we choose to fill it with? If we’re not intentional with the space, that old habit or thought process will be back, and it will be more entrenched than it was the first time.

The benefit that we have over coral is that we can be intentional about what we take in when we expel our toxic substance – whatever that may be.

Coral just sits there waiting and hoping that the water will cool and when it takes in the algae again, those algae are in a healthier state.

We have influence over our priorities and the environment we surround ourselves with.

Short term, we can hold on. Perhaps we are enduring a hard season and for a time we’re going to come across as bleached coral. Those who know us, may look at us and incorrectly describe us as dying, or past it; whatever their language is for what they see.

As time goes on in our bleached state, we’ll have less capacity to shape our environment and be particular about how we replace that thing we let go. If we haven’t been intentional when we expel the toxin, we’re setting ourselves up to just absorb and take in whatever presents itself at the time when our will power finally runs out.

In contrast, if we take a little time and care to consider what we will think about instead of our previous thought pattern, or a new habit to develop in place of what we used to do, we won’t create a state of desperation – where anything goes. We’ve not only cleaned house, we’ve set up house too.

You are not coral. As precious and as beautiful as coral is, you are a more complex being with a greater capability and greater capacity. You are not stuck where you are, you can change the environment around you.

When presented with a toxic situation, you don’t have to react purely for survival. You have more options than sitting in hope. You can approach the situation with intention and care.

One amazing thing about the Great Barrier Reef, is how many species share the space. Finding Nemo was more peaceful and beautiful than I expected. After directions from the staff, I found a sea anemone with a couple of Nemos ducking in and out; another relationship under the sea going both ways.

The people around you provide for and benefit from you in ways you can’t duplicate alone. There are times when you do need to create space or a new way of doing things to clean out any built-up toxicity.

When that happens, the danger is to expel and think the issue is resolved. Where you exhale, you will inhale. What will fill that space?

The process may be easier and more beautiful than you expected. You can adjust your environment, create a healthier situation and restore relationship.

If you’re feeling bleached and people hint that you’re finished; take heart. People will bring colour back into your world, just make sure you’re intentional with the ones you connect with for the next season.