Last month I had the privilege of visiting Jordan. When we were in Wadi Rum, our Jordanian guide pointed out a rock that looked like a head. He described it as a giant’s head. Well, I love a good story, so I asked him if there were any stories of giants around these parts. He came up blank. I was surprised. He had great stories about just about everything else.
I didn’t realise it straight away, but then it hit me: there are many stories of giants in that area! I know them and I’m from the other side of the world. How did this local not know any? He was so familiar with the rock formation and the reaction that it garnered, that he didn’t even wonder if there was a story behind it.
This week, the concept of overlooking what is right in front of us is popping up everywhere. I spoke with one guy and pondered whether people in his workplace have become so familiar with him that they no longer see who he is. I read a recommendation for getting work – it said to look online for work outside of your local community. I heard a sermon about the tendency of those close to us to overlook what we offer – with an encouragement to notice the value of those around us. A friend shared how she could see the amazing attributes of a particular nation, yet when speaking with a lady from that nation, the lady lamented how plain and ordinary it is there.
Isn’t that the case with us too?
We are so familiar with the things we grew up with that we don’t even question them or wonder how they got there.
Cultural tendencies, family traits and environmental factors shape who we are and often we are oblivious to those things.
My family grew up with a story about our great-grandfather. He drove a car onto a bridge in the early 1900’s and a train drove onto the bridge from the opposite direction. The story goes that he made the train reverse off the bridge. I’ve always thought of that as a funny story.
Looking at the story through the lens of – this story is so engrained in my thinking that I don’t even think about it – (and chatting about it with others) I started to realise some stuff (maybe it was obvious to you straight away).
To force a train to reverse takes gnarly resolve (or stubbornness, if you prefer). Why didn’t he just reverse? Was it that he didn’t know how to reverse, and he was too embarrassed to admit it? If so, we could add pride to his characteristics.
When we are super familiar with a story or a marker in our life, we can miss the clues that others see.
The evidence sits right in front of us. We see it and even tell others about it, but we miss its significance, or the insight that we could gain through it.
It is a good idea to include a resource or a person in our world that sees things differently from us. They will notice a different angle and be able to stir curiosity in our blind spots.
Those closest to us see us through their own lens and sometimes that lens is so close to us that it distorts rather than clarifies the picture.
While those who spend the most time with us form an image that might take a lot to shift, others will often spot those things that truly define us.
It takes a fresh pair of eyes to see us as we are.
That is the reason I’m being told to look for work outside of my own community. That’s the reason we minimise the value of those close to us. That’s the reason we wonder why our ‘ordinary and everyday’ is exciting to someone else.
Each of us have cultural tendencies, family traits and environmental factors that shape us, and often we are oblivious to those things.
Each of us have strengths in our culture. Each of our families have positive skills or habits to share with others. Where we grew up impacts the way we live.
Let’s look for the positives. What are those things that we overlook in ourselves and in those closest to us? How can we encourage and build others up by pointing out their strengths?
Listen to the stories you share and dig a bit deeper. What’s behind your story?
When we are aware of our own strengths and weaknesses, we can find a better way to balance others. We are drawn to people different from us because together we make a great team. The challenge comes when our differences become the focus, and we see a monumental character trait sticking out while the other person is oblivious.
They don’t see it.
But you know what?
They see what you can’t see.
Where we are so familiar with someone that we can only see their flaws, it’s time to refresh our view. Look for ways that they behave outside of the box you’ve put them in. Start entertaining the thought that there might be more to them than you are aware.
This massive monument that glares at you might actually be fossilized. They may even point it out and feature that thing, but is it still a living part of their life? Or is it a testament to something from a previous period that no longer exists in their day-to-day? Sure, it has a story, but perhaps they’ve forgotten the story – so removed is its reality from their present.
It is a privilege to walk through life with others. Some people point out features of their lives for the wow factor, others like to tell the stories beneath. When we find differences, let’s look for ways to support and appreciate what they show us about their environment and their way of viewing the world.
There is a story behind their landscape whether they are aware of it or not.
