A guy from Colorado lived with us for about 18 months. I enjoyed the moments when he pointed out differences in our language. Once, he asked if I wanted to do something and my response this day was, “I’m keen!”
He chuckled. Apparently people don’t usually respond with the word ‘keen’ in the USA.
More recently I find myself changing the emphasis when I say ‘as well’. In New Zealand, we emphasise the second word: ‘as well’, but my friend from Zimbabwe emphasises the first word: ‘as well’. I started to adapt my language to match hers. Now I have to consciously pronounce it the New Zealand way.
I met a lady from Switzerland earlier this year and she made a joke. I was so focused on trying to understand her language that I missed the punch line at first. After she despaired that her joke was no good, I got it and laughed – it had actually been very good.
Perhaps you are used to American spelling and notice every time I use an ‘s’ instead of a ‘z’.
It’s a privilege to have friends from around the world. The more people that I meet, the more differences in language – even just in English – I discover.
When I was young, my mother used to play cassette tapes all the time. One song I still remember is Sandi Patti’s “Love in any Language”. It starts:
“Je t’aime
Te amo
Ya ti-bya lyu blyu
Ani o hev ot cha
I love you
The sounds are all as different
As the lands from which they came
And though the words are all unique
Our hearts are still the same”
I’m learning French this year and as this song came to mind recently I suddenly realised that the first line of the song is French! I flooded with a deeper understanding and appreciation for the song. I’ve known the song and sung it most of my life, but this new insight took it to new levels.
When you observe your friends and family as the year draws to a close, you may see the same things that you’ve seen for years, but maybe this year your perspective has changed. Will you meet the same situations with new understanding?
Think of the 5 love languages as an example.
When that aunty or niece comes in for a hug – is it that ‘physical touch and closeness’ is their love language and they’re trying to express their care for you? Perhaps it’s just the culture of your family to greet this way, but look for the ones who really cherish the moment.
That one who goes to the kitchen and gets started on the dishes – perhaps their love language is ‘acts of service’ and that is their way of caring.
What about the one who is quiet in a group conversation but can talk for hours one on one – that might be your ‘quality time’ person.
The one who keeps their Christmas cards – are ‘words of encouragement’ important to them?
The one who goes overboard on gifts and makes the grinch of the family cringe or make disapproving comments – there you have your ‘gift giving’ love language.
Observe with intention and you might see clues for how you can express care for your friends and family during the year.
This is a great time of year for noticing. Notice your friends and family and notice how you respond to them.
If you are not the gift giver, will you appreciate the heart behind the one who loves to lavish gifts on others?
If you are the one who gets into long conversations, will you notice that the dishes got done and say thank you to the ones who did them?
If you are the hugger, will you take note of how the other person receives love and express love to them in a way that they understand as well as hugging them?
If you poured out your heart onto a card and the other person only gives it a cursory glance, will you forgive them and maintain relationship?
You might have been around these people for years and you’ve seen it all before, but what insights might you discover this year to gain deeper understanding and grow your relationships?
Maybe your end of year gatherings are an opportunity to dream crazy dreams and inspire each other. Maybe there is a shifting of the generations and you realise that you need to step up where others used to serve. Perhaps there is a need to change your pace for the benefit of others. Maybe this season highlights areas to work on.
When someone uses language that you don’t often hear, can you chuckle and appreciate the differences?
Marvel at the various ways we are wired. Appreciate a new way of doing things. Be curious about why that person responds that way. Notice where you respond differently this year than you used to. Look for the things that you can be thankful for.
Even when we are from the same family or workplace or friend group, we are all unique. We have our own back-story, our own self-talk, our own energy levels, our own worldview, our own skill-sets, our own passions and our own opinions. We all speak the language of love with a slightly different accent.
What language are you speaking and how can you listen attentively to understand the accents of your friends and family this year?
I trust that as you approach the season with an ear attuned to listen for nuance and story, you will appreciate your friends and family more, gain a fuller picture of who they are and be able to express your care and support for them in a way that they receive.
Have a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year!
