We outsource all sorts of things. We order Uber Eats or pop along to the local takeaway. We show our achievement to someone who will congratulate us. We talk through decisions with our co-workers and friends. We call in the ‘creative’ one to decorate. We take on a housekeeper.
Outsourcing is getting someone else to do something that we used to do, or could do, ourselves.
In a functioning society, outsourcing works really well. We are able to focus on the things that we are good at, and others cover for us in the areas that we are weak. We can call on someone else to cover for us while we are away. We book the lawnmower guy; we call the babysitter.
A few years ago, when my back was really bad, it would go out if I vacuumed. No surprise that I relied on a housekeeper to keep the house in order. I did what I could, but I knew that every fortnight, the house would get a decent clean.
I was listening to a guy speaking on self-talk this morning. He spoke about how scientists say that 8 out of 10 of the average person’s thoughts are negative. He put it down to a survival mechanism – back in the day, we had to notice the dangers around us. We didn’t always live with the conveniences we enjoy now.
But then, he gave a quote:
Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts.
Marcus Aurelius
I had an epiphany: when all is functioning well and we can outsource things, others contribute to our world and things run smoothly. But when our world suffers an interruption, outsourcing falls away and we are left with our own skills and thoughts to rely on.
We saw that a few years ago during lockdowns. Suddenly, supply chains faltered or failed and we were left with our own resources to get through.
When I grew up, we sat around baskets of fruit in the summer and peeled and cored and sliced and preserved that fruit in jars for the winter. Today it is easy to buy canned fruit, but that is another way of outsourcing something that we could do ourselves. We can do both. We can choose to preserve fruit, and we can also buy fruit when we’re running low. We are privileged.
The reason that preserving fruit happened more often a generation ago, is that we were still influenced by people who had lived through the great depression or World War II and they knew the importance of being prepared. They knew that outsourcing is a luxury.
The benefit of preserving when I was young is that I know how to do it. When things get tight or when there is a glut of produce, I have the ability to preserve. I can make jam. In summer when my husband goes fishing a lot, we have the resources to freeze the fish for later in the year.
The challenge with outsourcing is that we get out of the routine of doing that thing that we used to do. We might get rid of our preserving jars because they take up space. We might get rid of our lawnmower because we don’t use it.
And this is where we swing back around to self-talk. If we rely on others during decision making or for encouragement, we leave ourselves on shaky ground for those times that we just have to dig deep and get through. If we exclusively outsource to the point where we don’t have the experience or the ability to talk ourselves through a challenge, we leave ourselves vulnerable to negative thought processes which lead to overthinking, self-sabotage or giving up.
Do you have the ability to encourage yourself?
How do you think when you are facing a challenge?
When I looked up the Marcus Aurelius quote, I found that there was more to it:
“The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts.”
Do you fit the generalisation that 8 out of 10 people let negative thoughts run rampant in their brains? What colour are your thoughts? How do they shape your mind?
Do you present yourself to the world looking for affirmation and praise, or are you capable of encouraging yourself?
Do you at least have some experience of how to build yourself up? You might not use it today because you’re out of practise, but do you have a skill there that you can fall back on?
When we spend all our time relying on others for our self-worth or value, it follows that if we don’t get the affirmation or attention that we hoped for, suddenly, it becomes someone else’s fault. They didn’t approve, they didn’t appreciate it, they didn’t give us good advice and we feel like we can justify the funk that we’re in because our outsourcing failed. Now we can point the finger and judge someone else because we feel bad.
Self-talk is the background chatter we’re so used to that we don’t even notice it. But stop and notice. How do you talk to yourself? What do you think about? If we want to improve our self-talk, we need to notice it; to become aware of it. Then we can make some decisions about how we’re going to deal with it.
It is not anyone else’s responsibility to regulate your thoughts.
You are responsible for you. Only you can choose what to focus on.
When I looked up the Aurelius quote, another one jumped out at me:
You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
Marcus Aurelius
In case you rely on others to validate you, here’s a truth: you carry value. Others do not add or take value away from you. You have value simply as a human being.
If you have trouble hearing or receiving that, take a step back from outsourcing your identity and train your own thoughts to support and encourage you.
To outsource your happiness or your identity leaves you wide open when a crisis situation hits. To receive a compliment is a luxury that is designed to add to your joy. Where a compliment is received as a drop of water on parched ground, we crave more. One drop is never enough.
There is no person; no family member, no lover, no friend, who can meet all your needs. At some point, every one of us is flawed and will let you down.
I say that others will fail you and I would be remiss if I didn’t add that there is one who is always there for you: your creator. The beauty of relationship with the creator is that he connects with your spirit – on the inside of you. He becomes your help and strength through tough times – right there within you. There is always hope and strength in him, even in the most challenging circumstance.
So how do you change your thinking? Start by noticing what runs through your mind. Catch the thought and evaluate it.
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Phil. 4:8
Is your thought building you up? Does it build up others? Choose to focus on one thought and replace it with something better. When the old thought enters your brain, you will catch it faster and faster until it naturally springboards you to the new pattern that you have developed.
You might not fully believe the better thought yet. That’s okay, give yourself permission to change your mind.
Outsource things to your heart’s content. But make sure that you have the skills behind you to maintain your value and quality of mind when times get tough. If you don’t think about things that are right, noble, pure and lovely as a default, it might be a good idea to outsource some training to get those skills in place. Practise now and establish a healthy pattern. Only you have the power over the way that you think, and your habits either build strength or weakness. It’s your choice.
