The other morning, we were exploring a tiny community in Somerset, England. We asked a lady, who was out walking, about the history of the place. She didn’t know; she had only recently moved to the area. She directed us to the house of a man who had lived in the village for 40 years. The thing was, he didn’t know us, wasn’t expecting us and had recently had knee surgery. She was sure that he would be okay if we pushed his door open and wandered into his home. We weren’t so sure.
We followed her instructions with curiosity, but we didn’t stop. We drove on. We could have popped in and asked him questions, perhaps he would have been okay with random strangers entering his house. But if we’d done that everything else about our day would have changed: we would have been later for breakfast, we would have come across different people and we wouldn’t have had time for our final stop of the day.
That got me thinking. Every day we make hundreds of decisions; some big and some small. The impact of a decision or experience may hurtle us down a track that we could never have imagined, somewhere we don’t want to be. What do we do now? The next best thing.
Not the next best thing in the sense of second best, but the next best thing in terms of choosing wisely from the options available to us in this moment. Choosing the next best thing lifts us from a victim mindset, redirects our trajectory and restores our ability to make decisions.
When we sit in a victim mindset, we abdicate responsibility for ourselves and blame others: we use phrases like ‘they did this to me’, ‘it’s not my fault’, ‘if only xxx hadn’t happened’.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there are definitely victims. Sometimes things happen that should never happen! Some recover from that event and move forward as best they are able, but others get stuck there and can’t move on. They use that moment as a perpetual excuse.
Your options now are not what they were before, but you do have a choice. It might be as simple as choosing your attitude for the day. It might be as simple as saying thank you to somebody.
In this moment, what are your options? If you have to do something and you really don’t want to: you can choose to do it begrudgingly, not do it and face the consequences or make the choice to do it intentionally. What is the best option in your circumstance? Perhaps it is saying no.
There is a verse that says, ‘Whatever work you do, do it with all your heart’. If you choose to do something intentionally, you will find that you can change your attitude and make the experience much more pleasant for yourself and for others. It’s simple and challenging all at the same time.
When we choose the next best thing in front of us, it allows us to move forward differently. It is like placing a new marker in the ground and saying, “from this point forward, I am heading in a new direction.” Just a smile rather than a scowl might make your neighbour’s day and release endorphins that make you feel better too.
Part of heading in a new direction is acknowledging and accepting where you’re at. Your options are not what they were yesterday, but from this place, today, which direction will you move?
If you feel paralysed where you’re at, stuck in a victim mindset or can’t see a way forward, please seek help. Accepting where you are is a huge step that sets you up to move forward. Please note that I didn’t say that what landed you here was okay; perhaps it needs working through. Seeking help is a big step and one that also sets you on a path to healing. That might be the next best thing in your situation.
I ate something really sweet the other day. I knew that it was too much as I ate it and sure enough, my digestive system had a small fit afterwards. I was well aware that all I could do after I had ingested it was the next best thing. I had already swallowed; I knew what the consequence would be. I knew that I had to endure the consequences of my actions. How was I to manage my digestive system while it processed the food? How would I respond given the next opportunity for something sweet?
Actually, talking of sugar, years ago all I had eaten on this particular day was a piece of cake and a peach. My mood was terrible. I was being nasty. For the first time, I realised that my food choices impact my frame of mind. If you are constantly irritable, could you experiment with your food choices and see if eating differently affects your mood? Now that I eat differently, my mood is much more level.
One moment can affect the trajectory of your day. Many moments of choosing the best option available to you will change the trajectory of your life.
You do have the ability to make decisions. You decide on your attitude. You decide whether to get curious when someone upsets you. You decide whether or not you take offence. You decide whether to follow that prompting. You decide what is the best food option available to you today.
It is really easy to abdicate our ability to choose, especially if we are surrounded by strong people; but we can make our choices known. It is a process to figure out which choices are the important ones that we need to stand firm on and which it is okay to hold lightly; but start exercising your decision-making muscle.
You do not have to live on a slippery slope where one choice slides you to an inevitable end. You have the choice, even now, to change the direction that you are moving. Sure, some things have lasting consequences, but you can choose the way that you respond in that circumstance.
Forgiveness is a choice. Being thankful is a choice. Changing your response is a choice.
I’ve been a bit frustrated this week that I didn’t get my blog and newsletter out when I usually do. But you know what? I had the opportunity to do it today, so I chose to do it. It’s not two days ago, but it is now. This is today’s best choice. I have also come up with a plan that will hopefully help me to get it out on time next week and the weeks ahead. I didn’t get it out Wednesday, but I didn’t allow that to make me give up on doing the blog. That doesn’t make sense.
Choosing the next best thing lifts us from a victim mindset, redirects our trajectory and restores our ability to make decisions.
Every choice, every decision, every event; impacts the path of our lives. Sometimes we’re on an adventure and loving life. Other times we find ourselves in a place that we would prefer not to be. When we’re in that place, we can choose the next best thing. Choosing to keep a good attitude or choosing healthy food might look like a small thing, but over time, small choices do have a larger impact.
You can change the course of your life by making the next best choice with what you have before you today. It could create new habits and set things in motion that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. Every day we make numerous small decisions that affect who we meet, what we do and perhaps even the stress level we carry.
What is your next best thing?
