Last week on the radio, we talked about a woman, rejected by her community, whose life was changed. As she shared that change with the townsfolk, many of them were impacted by her story.
Maree commented that other people watch our drama unfold. That stood out to me. I hadn’t thought of the story from that angle. Since then, I have had several other unprompted conversations about the impact others felt when relationships broke down. Grief can impact those that you would expect to be in the peripheral.
Our actions can inspire others, grieve others or cause them to be curious – all without us particularly intending to impact them at all.
I am inspired by the friends I have that are super organised or wired to notice the practical things that need doing. I am grateful for their influence in my life.
I can watch the way that they go about things and learn from them. It’s not that they’re training me particularly, but by watching them I learn new ways to go about things.
I told the story a couple of months ago about the family that spoke clear instructions to their children, and it changed the way that I spoke to my own children. I am grateful for their impact.
I spoke to a mother this week that was processing the breakup of her son’s relationship. She had welcomed the partner into the family and when the relationship ended, she went through her own form of grief.
When we go through something it is natural to think that we are the only one experiencing the change. Has it occurred to you that even the fact that you are going through change will impact others?
Depending on your way of processing, you might feel like hiding away or the opposite, talking through the change with others. Either option will impact the people around you.
Even trying to ignore it and get on with life will impact others if you’re more withdrawn or sullen than usual.
Don’t be surprised if another person expresses their shared emotion. You carry influence. You impact others. We all react in our own way.
Years ago, our house was burgled. I remember that we were taken aback, but not traumatised. We told our extended family and one of them was so upset on our behalf that they had to leave work for the afternoon. Some people feel things more deeply even than the one experiencing the event.
Others will process what they see through their own filters. If they have had a similar experience before, those memories can come flooding back and cause them to react quite unexpectedly. For others, their nurturing side might come to the fore, or their tendency for avoidance.
A time of heightened emotion is a time for learning about each other, it is not a particularly good time for making major decisions. We can tuck away our learning through the challenging time and allow it to fill out and nuance our relationship in the future.
But more than times of major events, the way that we go about life can impact others who take the time to watch.
There are certainly those who are so caught up in their own world that they don’t see ours, but others do see.
I have a friend that told me she is inspired by the way that I get on and do the things that I do. She is the type of person that likes to think things through properly before she takes action. The way that I start something even when things seem over my head challenges her to take action in her own sphere.
When we pursue a course of action, others watch to see where it will lead. If they are so inclined, they might follow suit and take action too.
Some will be curious, some will be opinionated, some will make snap judgements about us: rightly or wrongly.
It is not our place to overly worry about the reactions of others, but it is good to be aware that we do have an impact on them. It is good to consider them in our decision making.
If we’re making a major decision, perhaps it is necessary to think through the ramifications for more than just ourselves. What might the ripple effect of our decision be?
We can inspire others, grieve others or cause them to be curious – all without us necessarily realising that anyone is watching.
Each of us live in community, however large or small that may be. Others observe what is going on in your world. Sharing your story can impact them.
If you feel like your story would hurt rather than help another person, perhaps it’s not finished yet. Maybe there is a way to keep writing your story to find the pearl of value that could help someone else.
The woman that we were talking about on the radio was broken and rejected, but then she changed and impacted her community.
Don’t give up in the hard times, your story isn’t finished yet. Seek help if you need it, keep processing and see what positive impact you might eventually have in your community.
