We are hardwired for joy. We want dopamine hits and endorphins and we will do all sorts of things to get them. The trouble is, the process to get them can be hard.
If you want endorphins from exercise, you have to do the exercise. If you want dopamine, you’ve got to set it off. But not all of life is under our control. Sometimes stuff comes our way that we would never choose.
A lady told me recently that their marriage was difficult for the first ten years. She said that she wouldn’t want to go through it again, but she wouldn’t change it either. The depth of relationship that she and her husband share now was worth the endurance that first ten years took. Another couple also shared their story along a similar vein; their challenge was over a fifteen-year period.
In the book of Romans there is a series of characteristics beginning with suffering. “Suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character and character produces hope”.
Last week, I got back on my bike for the first time in a long time. I noticed on the first uphill that my quadriceps did not appreciate the angle. They had to function in a particular way, and it took work. They were weak. Straight away they wanted me to give up and walk up the hill, yet I persevered and pedaled my way to the top. See how quickly I made the leap? Suffering leads to perseverance. Even the slightest suffering requires perseverance.
If I take that analogy further, continuing to ride the bike and working these muscles with perseverance strengthens them – they become stronger and their character changes.
Instead of being weak, they become strong. They are now capable of more than they were at first. They have stronger characteristics. I can cycle further; I can endure the ups as well as enjoy the downs. I can press on along the flats where I have to power the movement. And after I have developed strength, I might start dreaming of something new to work towards, perhaps it is cycling the local mountain bike track, perhaps it is cycling to a particular destination, perhaps it is entering a cycling race. That gives me something to work towards, something to hold on to, somewhere to focus my hope as I work towards my new goal.
If I can extrapolate suffering to hope for something as benign as riding a bike for the first time in a while, how much more can we extrapolate suffering to hope when it really matters.
During suffering, there aren’t many words that make you feel better. No platitudes take the pain away. Sure, moments of encouragement give you something to hold on to, but they don’t end the suffering. It is something that you just have to go through. That’s why suffering leads to perseverance. When you’re in the middle of suffering, you don’t have much choice but to endure. Even when you desperately long for escape, it doesn’t usually appear without a journey. Perseverance is ‘persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success’. Sometimes it is persistence just to live a day. Sometimes it is persistence in dressing a wound. Sometimes it is persistence in showing up. Sometimes it is persistence in doing the right thing.
Persistence, perseverance, just keep going.
That leads to growth in our character. It is tempting to give up, to quit, to run away, but when suffering is in the picture, the options to do so are limited. We’re stuck. We have to come up with resources, often deep down, just to get through, just to survive.
It’s usually after a time of suffering that we look back and see the difference in the way we react or our compassion toward others. Find someone who is kind and caring, you’ll often find that they have a story of overcoming hardship, or if not overcoming, at least enduring. You’ll find someone who appreciates the little things, someone who has learnt to pick their battles and let some things go. Perhaps they’ve learnt how to navigate their circumstance rather than stay rigid and immovable.
“Resisting what is and wanting to change what is are not the same, and the difference is one of attachment to the outcome.” Bill Harris
We can fight the process of suffering, or we can endure it, allowing the process to shape us.
Years ago, I picked up a couple of hitchhikers for a 5-hour journey. I needed to stay awake, and they needed a ride. We had deep conversations aided by the fact we would never see each other again, and that I got sleepy during shallow conversation.
One of the guys had been through rehabilitation from drug addiction. He talked to me about the hope that he found in his Creator during his rehab process. But the other guy kept interrupting the conversation, he didn’t want to talk about God. So, the conversation kept weaving. One guy would bring up his faith, and the other guy would distract, the first guy would circle the conversation around again, and the other would change the topic, over and over again the pattern continued. His story was suffering (addiction), leading to hope, to faith. The other guy refused to go there, but his journey was different.
We naturally shy away from suffering. It makes us uncomfortable. We want to escape. That’s why many people steer clear of those going through a tough period. The one suffering, to a large degree, endures alone. One lesson learned in the trenches of suffering is trust. What is stable and trustworthy around you? What or who can take the load?
We all experience suffering at some stage in our life. Can we sit alongside someone in the midst of it without empty promises? Be there to listen and support? It’s a challenge. It is easy to project our own assessment of the situation onto the other person and comment in such a way that they feel isolated even when we’re right there. What a challenge and a privilege to share in the sufferings of another.
Suffering is part of life and as much as we would like to avoid it, it remains. It may not give us feel good hits, yet when we come out the other side, suffering shapes us in a way that we wouldn’t have experienced otherwise.
