Pull on that trigger

I turned on the light this morning to find a cricket crawling across the carpet. It’s the first cricket I’ve seen this summer. For the next few weeks, I’ll probably see lots of crickets. I wonder if I’ll hear any of them singing in the house or if they just reserve their singing for outside. End of story.

I know. It could be more exciting.

Now consider that story from the perspective of a friend who hates crickets. If she woke up to find a cricket crawling across her carpet: she might scream, she might squash it, she might wake up someone else in the household to deal with the intruder, her adrenalin would skyrocket, and she might complain about it throughout the day. The thought of seeing crickets for the next few weeks would probably stir up anxiety and I doubt that she would ponder their singing.

I read an article a few weeks ago and noted the difference between a cause and a trigger:

“If there is more than one possible response, if different people respond in different ways to the same stimulus, the stimulus is a trigger. 

If there is only one possible response, the stimulus is a cause.” – Bill Harris

What does that mean?

If someone is caught doing drugs at work, will they get an instant dismissal? Yes, they will – cause.

If someone scrapes their knee, do they feel pain? Yes, they do – cause.

If someone gets stuck in traffic, will they get mad? Maybe, some people use that space to listen to a podcast or some other type of productive process – trigger.

If someone hears a siren, will they duck for cover? Maybe, some people hear a siren and look to see what set off the alarm – trigger.

If the house is silent, will someone fill the space with noise when they arrive home? Maybe, some people enjoy the silence as they go about their chores or unwind – trigger.

If someone yells, will others cower? Maybe, some people might laugh or ignore them – trigger.

I find those definitions really helpful. When the thought enters my head, ‘xxx made me do it’, I can now reflect on that thought and consider whether xxx really made me do it or if I was just triggered by xxx.

A cause creates a consequence. A trigger garners a reaction.

Let’s follow this through then… if you respond negatively to a situation, but others manage not to, you have reacted to a trigger. This is your trigger, not someone else’s. Therefore, your response highlights an issue that you carry. It is not the situation’s ‘fault’. It is possible to experience that situation and not react. You may need to work through some things or confront some beliefs in your thinking to change your response to that same situation.

The uncomfortable thing about that is that we like to blame others, we like to blame the situation, we like to point the finger; we don’t particularly like to examine our own response.

I talk calmly about crickets, but when we were walking through France recently, I saw a few snakes. I have never come across snakes in the wild before, I live in a country where there are no snakes. My husband commented that the amount that I have spoken about those snakes is completely disproportionate to the amount of time that I actually encountered them.

If I was into self-reflection, I might find a clue there.

The next time that you get stirred up, take a moment to think – is this causing everyone a negative outcome, or is it just me? Is this a cause that needs addressing, or am I just being triggered by my own experience and memories?

If it’s a cause, then rally the troops, get together and address the issue.

If it’s a trigger, be brave enough to call it that and talk through it with some wise counsel, a friend or professional, who can point you in the right direction.

You can respond differently, the first step is simply noticing that not everyone responds the same way. The second is realising that this is something you can take responsibility for. As you deal with how you respond to that trigger, you pull the power away from the trigger and reclaim it as your own. You are no longer the victim of that thing. You can respond as you choose.

The great news is that when you take responsibility for your response, you can do something about it. When you are blaming something external, you are powerless to change it. So, pull on that trigger and use the tension that it creates to stir you to action. Don’t necessarily pull the trigger itself, I’m not here to create chaos and pain, but to challenge you to acknowledge your own reactions and to work through them so that they don’t restrict you.

Now, I’m the first person to admit that I like telling a good story. I will emphasise details and make things out to be exciting that really aren’t. But sometimes it’s good to be able to live out a boring story without all the adrenalin and drama. Where we used to get stirred up and frustrated, imagine being able to say, “well, that just happened,” no sob story, no blame, just a statement of fact.

I woke up this morning to see a cricket crawling across the carpet. It must be the start of cricket season. Now I’ll go and have lunch on the deck outside and listen to the crickets and cicadas singing. End of story.

“Owning something means that you see that it’s coming from you. Seeing this creates choice.” – Bill Harris