If you are holding onto a burger and it’s time for dessert, you have a choice: you can keep holding the burger and delay or decline the dessert, or you can put the burger down and move on to the new. But with a burger in your hands, it is difficult, if not impossible to enjoy the dessert.
When we look at something new, it is easy to imagine the exciting things that we can add to our life. We don’t usually spend so much time thinking about the things we will let go of to grasp the new. Holding possibility and considering your options is the part of the process that is easy to overlook.
When I did my writing course a couple of years ago, our teacher specifically asked us what we would put aside to spend time writing our manuscripts. Was it TV time? Was it family time? Was it our lunch break? Was it scrolling time? We were to allocate 10 hours a week to working on our stories. But that 10 hours was time that we already spent somewhere. What were we going to give up for our stories?
When we launch into a new idea or a New Year’s resolution with enthusiasm, how come we quickly relegate it to the failed ideas or failed resolutions basket? Could it be that we tried to add something new into our lives without letting something else go?
Where we want to embrace the new, something is going to slip away. We can let it slip and land haphazardly wherever it falls, or we can place it down with intention and care.
If you’re stepping out of a role, train someone to do it properly. If you’re helping a friend, have a neighbour mow your lawn, check the mail and feed the cat. If you are moving on from that hurt, intentionally deal with your wound, don’t drop or bury it and hope it will die.
Where you keep hold instead of letting things go, your internal space gets cluttered. You have a bright, shiny, new idea, but right behind it is the dusty old, broken thinking. That old thinking takes the focus off the new and suddenly the new thing just looks like more stuff rather than being something that you can focus on and enjoy.
When we last moved house, we didn’t bring much furniture with us. We moved to a smaller house, and the style of house lent itself to different furniture. As a result, we got a few new items and got rid of most of the old. Even though we liked our previous furniture, if we had brought it all here, we wouldn’t have been able to move around the house. If we had tried to keep everything, the house would be cluttered.
Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t like it. Letting go doesn’t even mean that it was a bad thing. It just means that you are making room for the new.
If you were about to start a new job, would you stay in your old position?
Where you tell yourself that you can’t, that it’ll never happen, try thinking about it differently. Rather than adding something else to your life, consider what you will let go of in exchange for the new.
Letting go can come in stages. When we did our first pilgrimage, I had a lot in my pack. I was happy with what was in there. My husband was distressed on my behalf that my bag was heavy, but I was happy with what I was carrying and was content with my load.
As we walked the second time, I considered leaving my sleeping bag behind. We observed on pilgrimage one, that everywhere provided blankets and so we could get by with just a liner. However, on this walk there was one place that I wasn’t sure about, so I still took my sleeping bag with me. When that one place provided blankets, I realised that I didn’t need my sleeping bag. I was carrying 720 unnecessary grams. If I didn’t leave my sleeping bag behind, I would be carrying that extra 720g every day for the next four weeks. I eventually decided that I would let those grams go. I left my sleeping bag behind. I didn’t manage to leave it behind at the beginning, but finally, I let it go.
When we move forward, we refine things. Last week I spoke with a friend who recently moved. The things he brought with him that used to fill his downtime have been sitting in a suitcase for a couple of months. He still likes them, they’re still there, but he doesn’t need them like he used to. He’s considering letting them go – something he never would have entertained a few months ago – but he’s not quite ready yet. He is in a new season. He has already made progress. Letting go will eventually become the next logical step.
The other kind of letting go is the ability to hold things lightly. Did someone stack the dishwasher differently to you? Can you be thankful for a job done, even if it feels unfamiliar when you unload it?
That person who didn’t respond straight away – will you obsess about how they interpreted your message and overthink their lack of response? Can you hold it lightly and see whether they respond after a few days? What might be going on of them that caused the delay? Is it possible that their delay is nothing to do with their opinion of you?
The surprise snarky response – what is going on for that person? Can you let it go and give them the benefit of the doubt?
The person that’s pulling away – could they be heading in a new direction? What might that look like for them? Is there a way that you could support them? Is it the end of a season and time to release them into their new?
Although there is great benefit in letting go of many things, we want to keep hold of what’s important. Holding on to family may require us to let go of some things. Holding on to our beliefs might mean saying no to our peers.
If you are giving one thing up for another, does that new thing head in a direction that you really want to go? Is it a good trade?
Hold that thing and assess it. Is it something that would benefit you and your family? Will you let it go or pursue it?
Letting go is an important part of life. It helps in transition and declutters our internal space. But it is important to weigh up what we let go. Allow yourself to grasp the value of exchanging one thing for another. Is the bright shiny new thing actually an improvement, or is the quality poor? In the long term, which is the better option?
Letting go at key times will set us up for successful transition. Our new thing is more likely to get established when we step out of the old. But let go with intention. Don’t just drop things because you cluttered your life and everything became too much. Dropping a burger is a messy business.
Consciously exchange one habit for another, one thought process for another, and watch as your transition flows.
