The men wore tunics, their armour tossed to the side, swords still sheathed around their waists. Grunts and bravado filled the air as their bodies heaved, and their feet slid along the dusty grass. The losers ran across the embers that marked the middle of the battle and slapped their comrades on their backs; laughter rang out all around. The tug of war was over.
Newton’s laws of motion explore the effects when we exert pressure against another object to make it move. When we push a cart, it pushes back against us. But we also push our feet against the ground behind us and the cart rolls away in the opposite direction; this is an equal and opposite reaction.
When we’re used to a certain type of movement, say pulling against a tether, an anchor point that we’re holding on to, our muscles grow strong. We’ve been pulling against that hurt or offence and pulling hard. That thing hasn’t moved, and neither have we. But not all our muscles have strengthened, only those muscles that we use to pull. When we neglect other areas, those unused muscles can grow weak. We are lopsided. But we don’t even notice because we are in a situation where we only have to use our strong muscles.
The imbalance we create will depend on how heavy that thing is that we’ve held on to. It depends on how long we’ve been pulling against it. Something we let go of quickly won’t shape us as much as something that we’ve been pulling against for years.
When we forgive and let go of that thing that has held us back for a long time, we no longer have to pull to move forward. But now, our other muscles come into play. Our other muscles are necessary, and they are weak.
If you bravely forgave something, you let go of a painful memory that held you back, well done! You are freer now than you were before. You might still have to let go time and time again as the memory returns, but you are letting go every time you choose forgiveness.
Once we are free to move, the expectation is that we leap into the new and race forward. But if you’re feeling a little off kilter and lopsided, be encouraged. You haven’t done anything wrong. You have favoured certain muscles for a while, and your other muscles suddenly realise that you need them. Let yourself strengthen and steady for a while. Let those dormant muscles wake up and start moving.
Some will break into a run anyway and marvel at how far they can go without the tether of that thing. But, like the first visit to the gym, that first burst of exercise might take a bit of recovery. Be encouraged. The discomfort of growth and rebalancing yourself is a normal part of the process and it doesn’t mean that you need to retreat back to where you were.
If you’ve been pulling hard for a while, you are used to constant pull and pressure. The fact that you can now move forward seems foreign. You don’t need the pressure and the exertion that you used to use to move forward. Now as you take steps, you will make progress into areas that you couldn’t reach before.
Of course, that doesn’t mean things will all be rosy from this point on, the fact that some of your muscles need strengthening is an example of a new challenge that you face. But your new challenges are different to your old ones, and you are not being held back… although perhaps your thinking needs to change too. If you’re used to limitation your brain might try and hold you back, because that’s what you’re used to. You have a myriad of opportunities for growth. By leaning into new areas, and allowing new patterns to form, you will go places you couldn’t reach when you were stuck.
Your strong muscles are used to pulling the strings. Allow your weaker muscles a chance to build up strength and even you out. If you pull in one direction like you did before, you might make crazy progress in one direction, but what you need to think about now is where do you actually want to go.
Before, you were set on getting away from that thing – in any way and in any direction – now, with the same efforts, you could make huge progress and end up somewhere you never wanted to be. Take care, the equal and opposite reaction used to hold you in place, but now that you’ve let go you could go flying in some random direction unintentionally, because that thing that you used to pull against isn’t there anymore. Now that you are free, you can fix your eyes on what is ahead rather than what is behind and move forward with intention, not just out of reflex.
In a tug of war, if the other side lets go, your side will go sprawling backward and end up in a heap on the ground. That is the power of suddenly untethering when you are still pulling hard.
You don’t want to end up in a heap on the ground. You want to step into the new. Give yourself space and time to readjust your muscles and your stance, turn around to see the landscape and decide where you’d like to go then make a move in that direction.
In one sense, you’re exactly where you were before. In another sense, you are in a completely new place, surrounded by opportunity. Things are not necessarily going to be easy, but you have let go of your limitation. Your efforts will lead to different places than they did before. Now your equal and opposite reaction is going to have different results.
What does the end of your tug of war look like?
