It was early this year. We had just reached our holiday destination, and I was scrolling on social media. I came across a reel by Jay Jay Douglas and it grabbed me. I made a note. Several months later, I still think about that reel.
Many of us are wired to notice the people around us and try to help. We’re really good at it. In fact, we’re so good at it that we preempt needs and set out to meet them before they even arise.
If we’re old school, we’ll be setting out in a rowboat, putting all our effort into saving others from themselves. In the process, we’re building a great physique. Our muscles are defined and strong and our efforts build us in a way that others envy.
If we’re into the latest technology, we’ll have a beautiful, sleek boat with a powerful motor, zooming into spaces effortlessly to save the day. People come to rely on us because they know that we’re always there for them. Whatever mess they find themselves in, they know that we’ll swoop in and get them out of it.
When a storm rolls in, we chase our friends to make sure that they’re safe.
That seems like a noble pursuit, right?
Well, yes and no. While we’re down in the water, racing around to save everyone, we’ve missed that from there, we’re not pointing out the dangers. We don’t have much sphere of influence. We’re not signaling what is safe. Unless we are called and trained to be there, it is a dangerous place to be.
For someone trained in search and rescue, they are called to the water. With a team, they have the skills and resources to help in an emergency. They work their shift and tag out, knowing that the coast is still guarded and help is always available. It’s not always dependent on them personally. The coastguard patrols their area, but when a storm comes in, they respond to calls for help. They know where to focus their attention. They don’t chase all the boats on the sea. They find out who really needs them and spend their efforts where it matters.
If someone gets in trouble near us, we help. But racing around trying to meet everyone’s needs so that they don’t have to, will exhaust us. When we jump in the water looking for trouble, trouble will find us. Is that really where we are called to be?
Are we actually the lighthouse? Have we abandoned our post?
If we’re called to be the lighthouse, we are built amidst rocky seas. Ships in our vicinity see us and choose whether or not to heed our warning.
As a lighthouse, we are called to be steady, reliable and consistent. We shine where we are and those who need us will notice. Those who are lost in the dark will see our signal and it might be the thing that saves them.
As a lighthouse, our role is clear. It might get a little lonely there. Those who visit, visit with intention. Not everyone will come close.
A lighthouse is a thing of beauty. It stands firm through the storm. Those who venture to find it, often marvel at what they discover.
A lighthouse doesn’t chase ships. It doesn’t try to be all things for all people. A lighthouse knows that the most important thing it can do is to shine. Shine in all directions – make sure that the message gets out there no matter from which direction ships approach.
If you are the lighthouse, there is a season of strengthening and building so that you can stand strong whatever storms come your way. Some people will sail past or view you from a distance. They have their opinions. They may appreciate you, or not, but they choose not to draw close.
As the lighthouse, you can focus on what you are called to do. All the drama that you used to feel, chasing others and preempting needs, those things fall away. When you know your purpose, peace settles upon you, even in a storm. In fact, during a storm, people will search you out. People will lean on what only you can provide. Not every person, the people who are in your vicinity right now, for this season.
If you used to chase people, solve their issues or save them from themselves, and you stop, you will notice a shift. It’s not that they’re rejecting you as a person, they’re expecting a role from you. When you stop playing that role, they will look for someone else to play that role in their life. If they’re not willing to change, they will fill the gap that you used to fill with someone else. The relationship you thought you had was actually transactional.
Friendships and relationships often last for a season. When we live in a certain place or work in a particular organisation, we bump into people on a regular basis. Through shared experience, we build connection. Not all of those connections are built to last. When we change role or location, despite the intention to keep in contact, most those relationships fall away. Realising that, is freeing for many. We place expectations on ourselves to maintain multiple levels of relationships and that too can be exhausting.
We might impress some with our muscles when we row to their rescue, or with our smooth delivery, but the strength of a lighthouse far surpasses biceps and back muscles. Our lighthouse might house the latest technology or require daily tending, either way, it is ignored at the ship’s peril. A lighthouse doesn’t jump about trying to get attention, it is recognised for what it is. It simply does its part and allows others to respond howsoever they will.
If you’re feeling the pressure to perform, or you’re exhausted maintaining connections, you’re chasing people and ensconced in drama after drama; take a step back. What are you really called to? Are you trained in search and rescue, working with a team who supports each other, and together you meet true needs? Or are you playing a role for your friends and family that you were never meant to fill?
Perhaps as you’ve been built on the rocks amidst stormy seas, you are called to be a lighthouse; available for those who seek direction, no longer chasing every ship that passes by. If that is you, live in such a way that displays your purpose. Those who take the time to see you will recognise the value in who you are. You do not have to play a role chasing everyone around you. You can stand on a firm foundation and impact the sphere in which you live.
